The dreaded ice breaker. All corporate meetings are started with what someone thought would be a great idea to get the audience engaged. However, it almost always turns into an opportunity to make everyone feel even more awkward than they already do.
There I was, awkward and racking my brain on what my answer would be to these ridiculous questions. All I had to do was reach in a bag, grab a piece of candy and say aloud the answer that corresponds with the piece of candy in my hand. The problem with this was I didn’t know what my answer would be. If I picked Reese’s I’d have to tell the group the last movie I saw in the theater. Easy! Lion King. The other questions, that required a cooler answer, I was at a lost. The facilitator comes to my table and I worriedly ease my hand in the bag thinking I could feel my way to picking a Reese’s. Feel my way to easy street. I reach in and pull out…M&M’s. You have got to be kidding me. I had to share with the group something on my bucket list. I had nothing. The next thing I know out of my mouth comes…
“Something on my bucket list is to go on a Disney Cruise with my family.”
The minute it came out I was mortified. I could feel the judgement in the room. If I was a turtle I would have been in my shell. Disney Cruise?! Really Alanda?! How pitiful is it that I didn’t have a bucket list and the best thing I could come up with is a Disney Cruise. I invited everyone to see me simply as someone’s mother. Not Alanda the professional. Now, let’s be honest, it is on my wish list for vacations. But, it’s not really a “bucket list” contender.
I was disappointed in myself.
I was disappointed in the fact that I did not have a bucket list. Outside of something that involved my kids, I couldn’t think of anything I really wanted to do. Places I wanted to go. Goals I wanted to accomplish. Why is that? Why don’t I have specific things I want to do. Even as I write this blog post, I still have nothing. The reason why is simple.
I stopped thinking of me.
My mindset has turned into thoughts of what would be a good family vacation, what to do for holidays and even how to keep my house clean. Not once have I tried to plan a girls trip. Nor have I been invited on one. I’ve let my role as a wife and mother overshadow any remnant of my life before them. Yes, priorities shift. But It doesn’t mean past priorities aren’t important anymore. They may not be top priority. But, they should still be on the list.
What am I going to do to turn this ship around? I don’t know. It’s taken me 6 years to get to this point so I’m not expecting to figure it out all at once. The first step is obvious, make a bucket list! Give myself permission to dream. To think about a life bigger than the smallminded one I’ve created. So, when we make it on that Disney Cruise, it won’t be the only highlight of the year.